I will die if light touches me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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