Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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