Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
