so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
