i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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