he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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