I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize