I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
