is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
