he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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