I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
