Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
