I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Panties = found
Randomize
