My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize