he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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