I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
