My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize