I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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