i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize