he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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