bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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