pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
