You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
As shirtless as possible
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
