Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
