Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
