he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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