he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
