Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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