he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
