Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
