It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Mom said you looked used
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
