i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
