Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
