I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize