just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You are the jesus of drinking
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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