i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
