there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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