There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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