You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
