Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
