I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You are a genius and a whore.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
