i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
