So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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