i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
