***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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