I hate all girls vehemently.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
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