Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize