I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
