Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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