You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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