you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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