She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
