Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize