I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
