We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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