I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
