anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
