I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
