so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
