So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
