it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
