You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
