sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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