There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
