I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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