I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
