It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
