Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
