we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
