I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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