He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
