if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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