If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
