forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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