ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
