So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
