I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
