EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
