If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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