Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
