So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
